what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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