at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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