so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
