I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize