Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
