Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
