During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
