Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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