If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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