What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
