walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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