If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
