mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
