we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
