I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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