you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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