Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
