booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
