He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
