Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
