She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
