Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
