overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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