They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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