I didn't shave. On purpose
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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