you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
