two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
