your parents love me but you hate me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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