I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
