haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
