You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
