This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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