that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
