There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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