someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
