I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
