Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think people are normalizing furries
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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