and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
