I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
