Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize