i just google imaged poop.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
