If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
