"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
