I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
