shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
