Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize