I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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