Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Still dying that you shit outside
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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