i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
