Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
