I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
