I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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