So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
