I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
