K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
