He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
