Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
