I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
