um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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