Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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