Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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