dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
