i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I need moral support for this bender
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
