As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
