I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
