Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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