oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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