just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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