Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
