the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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