The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want a musical about memes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
