Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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