# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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