I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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