dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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