Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
