even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
