Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
