And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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