you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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