nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
