I'm lost and stupid without you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
