you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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